The Business of Being Born

On Friday night, I went out to a movie with Jess, my friend who recently became a mom (in September)-- but this wasn't just another blockbuster to eat popcorn through. We went to a documentary called "The Business of Being Born" which was produced by Ricky Lake in order to address the beaucracy that has taken over alot of how babies are born and the maternity care given in the US. The movie focused on home births and midwives and tried to educate people on the misperception that not having a baby in a hospital is a completely ludicrous thing.

Although I, myself, would still never have a baby at home, I did learn that having a midwife with me in a hospital really wouldn't be a ridiculous thought. As a sociology major, some of the facts told made me shake my head. Of all the countries in the world, we are really the only one with so few home births and so few midwives in practice. In Europe and other areas of the world, having a midwife deliver your baby is perfectly natural. But here, it is seen as hippified and crazy. I am not sure exactly what it is about the US, where we think that we must do things different from everyone else in the world. We must find a different way and our way has to be the "right" way. In fact, we have one of the highest infant mortality rates among the developed nations of the world.

I, too, used to think, "Who in their right mind would want to have a baby at their house" or "Who in their right mind wouldn't have their doctor be the one delivering the baby." The film really helped to remind me that, when it comes down to it, women have been having babies for a VERY long time and that our bodies are trained to know what to do when birthing occurs. We need to trust that more and just have a trained professional with us, which could be a doctor OR a midwife. In fact, midwives are often trained nurses who know the process of birth really well. They also know when a women does indeed need to be in a hospital.

So, anyway, the biggest thing I got from this is that it may not be all that bad of an idea. A midwife would be someone who wouldn't go in and out of the room every two minutes to check other patients. She wouldn't be coming in ten minutes before the baby was born to help "pop it out." And really, the best thing is that the midwife can be an advocate for you in the hospital. If things are being pressed upon you that would rather not have, she can step in for you and say, "No, she doesn't necessarily want that petocin." It would take one more pressure off the shoulders of the parents.

When I have my baby in July, I have learned there a few things I want to know. I want to know that my doctor won't just be rushing me to get in and have the baby quickly. I want to know that if I want to get up and walk around, I will be able to move as my body would like to move. I want to know that if I have a normal birth, they will let me hold my baby for a little while before rushing him/her off to be measured and "catalogued." And I want to know that, in an area of the state where the C Section rate in some hospitals is 50%, that I actually have a chance of not having one. Lucky for me, Glenn and I are pretty sure that our doctor is a hippy so I feel like I don't have too much to worry about.

I actually recommend this movie. It doesn't push its ideology on you, it doesn't lecture you that you should have a home birth. Really, it just tells you about the experiences of some women and presents a side of things you may never have thought of.

A genius baby haunts my dreams...

Two nights ago I had my first full-fledged dream about having the baby. I have been told many times that people dream about holding their baby and knowing the sex of the baby and things like that. Until now, the baby had been mentioned in my dreams, but never featured. Until Friday night!

I don't remember the actual birth of the baby, but I know that for some reason, my parents took the baby home, instead of me doing it. I remember walking into my house in my dreams and saying, "Where is the baby?" I walked into the kitchen and was informed that the baby was a girl. But when my mom handed her over to me, she didn't want me... She wanted my mom-- because she had been separated from me for so long. I took her as she cried and almost dropped her because she was squirming so fiercely.

The strange thing about the baby in the dream was that within a few hours of being born, she was about the size of a one year old, but still being cradled like a one-day-old. And then she stood up and began to walk around. My parents, Glenn, and I marvelled at her quick abilities. And then she looked at Glenn and said, "Daddy." Again, we marvelled that she could also talk. For no good reason, I said to the little one, "Sprichst du Deutsch?" (Do you speak German) and she answered with a clear and somewhat sarcastic "Ja..." as though it was perfectly natural. We all stood back and wondered how it could be possible that she could know German already.

As the dream progressed, the little one began to get a personality much like a petulant teenager. She was sarcastic and independent-- not unlike someone else I know... But she didn't want to be held and babied. She didn't want to be treated like a baby. In my dream, this whole thing made me very sad. I was supposed to be loving the fact that I was a new mom, but all I really wanted was to have a real baby who couldn't talk yet and had no attitude.

I was overjoyed when I awoke and realized it had all just been a dream!!

Baby's First Rave

Last Friday, I chaperoned a dance at school-- a clean rave at school that was an alternate to your typical school dance with expensive dresses and nervously asking others for dates. It was just a time for the students to get together and have a good time. And the kids that showed up really did have fun. I was in charge of manning the glo-stick table to be sure that no one took any extras that weren't allowed.

Once again, the care my kids have for me came out. They wouldn't let me bend down, they asked me 1000 times if I wanted a chair until I finally said yes, they watched out for me when I went out onto the dance floor to take yearbook photos-- afraid I would get hit. They even made a glostick belt for right around where the baby is. Repeatedly, they would ask how Baby Rife liked the music. I just have to laugh at them. I think that is enough rave music for an entire pregnancy. I'm sure if I could feel the baby moving, I would have felt a lot that night...

14.5 weeks along...

Here we are at 14.5 weeks and I felt like it was time to take another picture. So here it is, on January 14. As of today, it seems I have gained 5 pounds, which is just about right on track.

And for those of you doubters that I am gaining weight, who say that I am just slouching, the outfit in this picture is a maternity outfit I got for Christmas. When I tried it on, on Xmas day, it didn't fit and I knew I needed a little more time. Well, on Saturday, we had a winter party to go to and I wanted to see, out of curiousity, how it fit now. And it worked. This is now my favorite new shirt. If I am wearing maternity clothes, there must be something going on...

Second doctor's visit

On Friday, Glenn and I went for our second doctor's visit. We were again pleased with our doctor, who proved himself again knowledgable on what I should and should not do. He explained scientifically why, in fact, it is just as fine to sleep on your right side as on your left. (For enquiring minds, yes, there is decreased blood flow when you are on your right side. However, the placenta apparently adjusts for this by decreasing vascular blood flow, or some other big term with vascular in it.) That is what I have liked about him so far. When he tells me not to worry about what the books say, he explains to me scientifically why he is saying that. He isn't just making this stuff up.

But on to the important part, yes, we heard the heartbeat again. I understand that fear that women have of not finding the heartbeat. As I lay there and he moved around looking for it, it hit me... What if he didn't find it? There was a great fear, but I could hear it even faintly before he was right on it. It sounded a little slower than the first time I heard it.

My mommy instinct is still telling me that it is a boy, but we shall see....

"Frau W, can your body handle supporting a baby?"

So said Sarah, one of my German 4 students upon learning that I was going to be having a baby. Luckily, I love Sarah and she can almost do no wrong in my class. Having gone to Germany together, she and I have built a very good relationship. But really, that was just one of the many reactions I got from my kids-- all 120 of them.

As soon as I got back from break, which was when Glenn and I had deemed it alright to let the secret loose (having finished my first trimester), I decided to tell my kids. Initially I only intended to tell my AP students (who have been with me for 3.5 years now) and my yearbook editors, as they would have to watch out for me getting too stressed.

We did an activity in class where one person had to interview another about their holiday break. The last question was "Make a prediction for Frau W for 2008." Let me tell you... every single one of my 12 AP students wrote that I would have a baby. And so I told them, "I have a secret." They screamed and clapped immediately. I told them I didn't intend to tell my German 4's so they had to keep it quiet a bit longer. Normally you cannot trust teenagers to do this, but this group of kids and I are very close and I knew they could do it. They immediately decided that a baby shower would be in order, which is, I'm sure another excuse for a party in class. I don't mind. Parties in AP aren't so bad because I can still get the kids to talk the entire class in German. That way it is still kind of educational. :)

My editors thought they were in trouble when I asked them to stay when everyone else went to lunch. I could see the fear on their faces until I told them, "I need you guys to keep all our deadlines and not put too much stress on me because I am pregnant." Again the cheers and the looks of absolute glee. All of them said they had never known anyone who had been pregnant before. And they too swore that they would throw me a baby shower. In fact, I think they started planning it while I sat there, thinking I couldn't hear them whispering about games behind their hands. "It can be a surprise for her!" one said across the group to another. Mallie even said, "No one has ever told me that before!" I congratulated her on the big event for her.

And then came 7th period-- my rowdy German 4's... all 28 of them, who I have known for at least 2.5 years, some of them 3.5. They know me a little too well and not just because I see them every single day. (For those of you not on block scheduling, our days with classes alternate and only 7th period is a constant each day.) They did the same speaking activity the AP's had done, but I figured in a group of 28, not all of them would make the same prediction for me. I was wrong... except for the Sydney, who predicted that I would get fat (an inside joke between she and I where we pretend I am fat). But, that too will happen I suppose. In any case, I had resolved to play off their prediction that I would have a baby, although one of my editors sat with a grin on her face in the class. And then Sarah raised her hand, "Frau W, would you tell us if you were pregnant?" "Eventually," I said. Then Juergen (Collin) started in. "But you told me like three times this year that you had morning sickness." I smiled at him, keeping my poker face, "No I didn't. I said that I get sick in the morning. That has nothing to do with pregnancy." This, though, didn't appease him. He was being egged on by the other students in my class. And then Sean misheard, and said, "Wait, you're pregnant???" That's what you get when you only pay half attention. "No, no, no" I said, but apparently, I had begun to turn red. And then they all started in.

"Fine," I yelled. "Fine." And then suddenly there was silence. Juergen again spoke up for the group, "Wait... fine?" Apparently, they had just been trying to get under my skin. They hadn't really been predicting a confession. Again, the clapping and screams broke out. Poor Elise, who shares a partition with me. (The fourth wall of our classrooms isn't brick; it is a flimsy partition that allows us to take part in each other's lessons.) She told me later that her kids wanted to know why they too couldn't have a party like mine. Luckily there were only 5 minutes left in class because there was no getting my students back. Sean said, "I'm so shocked I can't even clap." And Sarah, Sarah, Caitlin, Cara, and Juergen all declared, "We knew it!!!" As they tell it, there was a red sweater I was wearing once in December that betrayed my growing baby bump, lending credence to the fact that there is in fact a bump. And yes, they too want to throw me a baby shower.

I feel blessed that I have been able to develop such relationships with these students over a number of years that has allowed them to truly be excited for me in this experience. That is the reason that I wanted to get pregnant while I still had all of them. There have been a number of occasions where it has been proven to me that when it comes to Frau W (that would be me), no body better hurt me! They are very protective.

Let me share with you a few other of my favorite comments from the kids, beyond the title of this entry. Robert, who had just been sworn to secrecy about the baby, raised his hand to ask, "Frau W, can I tell my mom??"

And then there was Stephanie, who is ever entertaining to me. She is both an editor on my yearbook staff, who had also been sworn to secrecy, and a student in my 7th period German 4 class. When I had told the class and they prepared to leave for the day, Stephanie looked at me and said, "Frau W, your ability to keep a secret is pretty weak! I was over here covering for you!"