One Year Ago....

All day today, I have been looking at the clock and asking Glenn, what were we doing one year ago today. When it was 9 AM, I thought, I was still hanging out at home. When it was 10 AM, I thought, I was calling the doctor to see if the leakage I was having was something to be excited about, and hoping that it was. When it was 11:30, I thought, I was on my way to have a goodbye lunch with Norm before Glenn called to tell me the doctor had returned my call and that we should go in. By noon, we were there and by 1 PM they had told me that, yes, I was having the baby. Most of the day went on with labor after that. Drugs to induce contractions, terrible back pain (but in a really nice room), slowly losing my ability to calmly do crossword puzzles between contractions. On and on it went. Around 5 I gave in and asked for the "drugs." And it was around this time right now, last year, (8:40 as I am writing this), that it was decided that Jamey's head was just too big and we were going to have to do a C-Section. At 9:16, as the old classic "Shake It" played on what I can only assume was 99.5 in the operating room, I felt a push and heard the cry of a little man. A "Little Man" who truly has grown into that nickname by today.

And of course, I don't remember the pain of that labor. And of course, the most important thing to me is the memory of my little boy. But when I look back... when I think back... what are the things that I remember most?

-I remember going to the ER upon arrival and having them ask when my due date was, and the look of shock at my answer. I remember getting on the elevator with a bunch of pregant people and being asked, "Are you going on the hospital tour?" I remember walking to kingdom-come to fill out the registration forms so they could admit me. And I remember the snicker when I asked the nurse, "This is probably a stupid question, but am I having contractions?" Both Glenn and I remember the fantastic service of my labor room nurse, who I only know as Kate. I remember staring and concentrating on the letter "R" on my ID band, as they pushed in the epidural. I remember hearing my doctor come in and talk with the anaesthesiologist as they put it in. And I remember thinking, "HEY, REMEMBER ME? The one you are putting the needle into? Let's focus on me and not chitchat." I remember being unable to find a position that would stop the back pain. I remember laying on a table in the operating room, listening to the nurses get completely pissed that my doctor wasn't there yet. And then I remember my doctor coming in, berating them for paging the wrong doctor. I also remember being paranoid that they had waited so long that I would feel them cut into me. Of course, that was all the drama. It was like everything moved in fast forward until suddenly there appeared a small miracle.

From there, it was a different sort of memory. I do remember that as soon as the baby was out, I became extremely sleepy and dropped off to sleep. (I still think they increased my meds at that point on purpose.) And I remember the moment when I first awoke from that drug-induced stupor. I was laying on my recovery bed. I turned my head to the side and noticed I was alone. Except for one person-- one baby. There, laying in his plastic "wagon" was Jamey with his eyes closed in sleep with his head turned to face me. Looking back, I am glad that there was no one else there. That was our moment. And as much as I would like to explain how it felt, I can't. It isn't something you put into words. It isn't possible to do so. It was pure emotion, and I am sure every mom out there has felt that feeling too.

Looking back on the pictures now, and spending time with friends and family on Jamey's 1st birthday, I again realize how blessed we have been. You just have to look at one picture from the waiting room to see how loved both he and I are. There, sitting and waiting, were not just two sets of grandparents. There, too, was an aunt who is always giving. There are two girls who may as well be my younger sisters, who I thank God every day for having in my life. (Love you, Monica and Marla.) There is a best friend who was there from the very first hour of my being in the hospital. Who came over and sat with me as I went through contractions and made sure I got everything I needed and that Glenn didn't go crazy there with me in the hospital. (Thanks, Jess! Couldn't ask for a better best friend.) And on top of those who were there in that moment, were those that came to visit within days of his birth. We were so loved and visited that my recovery nurse put on my goal list one day, "Don't have so many visitors. Tell them you need to sleep."

As Jamey grows, it is good to know that he has so many different people from so many different places who are going to love him and teach him about life. And it is nice to know that a good number of them will be able to say, I was there when you were born.

Happy Birthday, my Baby Boy.