Cranky McCrankerton strikes again

When my friend Norm was pregnant with her daughter Morgan, she used to tell me "I just shouldn't be around people right now." I didn't quite understand how someone could get so irritated by things. In general, I have always been a well temperemented person. Very little bothers me-- with the exception of some teenager boys.... But, Norm, now I get it. Now I understand.

On a few occasions, I have found another personality come out in me that I will affecionately refer to as "Cranky McCrankerton." The first instance of McCrankerton coming out occurred on a Friday afterschool and was witnessed really only by Darren, my unknowing colleague, who I affectionately refer to as "Captain Oblivious." He and I were in the workroom afterschool. There is a table in the middle of the room that is used to eat lunch and over time, it gets loaded down with crap. Normally, I can handle this, but for some reason, that Friday, it was too much. It was all because of a plastic Old Navy bag. An empty plastic bag, just laying there on the table. Garbage just left behind. And so I turned into what Glenn likes to call "Hurricane Melissa", where I suddenly begin cleaning things at a rapid pace. I threw things away off the table and if something was there I knew had been there several weeks, away it went. For example a class set of something made for someone, complete with collating and staples-- left on the table for at least three weeks. Obviously it wasn't that important. And as I cleaned, I became aware of the incredible lack of organization in the workroom. There were stacks of forms here and there with no real home. There were boxes of spoons in three different places. I started to complain to Darren that there was no reason that we couldn't put in a very simple organizational system and just all use it. Twelve people or not, if we established one place for the forks, all the people could put them there! And so it went for about another ten minutes. Darren looked at me and said, "Melissa, go home. But let me call Glenn first and warn him." That night, after the workroom table incident, I was just incredibly irritated by absolutely everything. I was at home, trying my best to be polite to Glenn, who is the only person who didn't really bug me too much. But as I sat and realized that I needed to go to dance practice, that same thought that Norm had had crossed my mind. I really just shouldn't be around people right now. I should just be in a room on my own because I am going to snap at people and not mean to.

The other night, Cranky McCrankerton struck again. I was having an incredibly forgetful day, but I was managing. But then, all of sudden, I realized I had left my camera at Glenn's cousin's house, causing us to have to turn around midtrip and drive back to their place. And that was the last straw for McCrankerton. "I am tired of being stupid," I said in the car. After that, on the ride home, I just sat in silence, knowing it was much better for me just not to talk. Again came the thought, I should just not interact with other humands right now. Luckily, we were on a long car ride, so I just closed my eyes and waited until I fell asleep. I used the excuse that I was tired as for why I wasn't talking too much. In time, McCrankerton subsided and I felt like myself again.

This irrational irritation is another thing that is so out of my character-- much like the forgetfulness. I don't like to be rude to people, I don't like to snap, I don't like not talking to others. But pregnancy has turned me inside out and I find that for their own good, I sometimes need to just step back and be unsocial.

I am sorry to all those who have been or will be victims of a strike of McCrankerton. Really, it isn't you, it's me. And that isn't just some bad break-up line. It's true.

A baseline picture

A friend of mine suggested that I start to take periodic pictures of myself to watch the growth of both myself and the baby. Thus, with any good scientific experiment, you must have a control-- a baseline. On December 11, we took the attached picture as a "baseline" although I am already developing a little lump.

Now, be forewarned.... I am aware that I just look like a "normal person" in weight. I know that my tummy isn't that big. But remember what I usually look like. Remember that I have very rarely weighed over 110 in my life. I am no Nichole Richie, but I have always been slender. So for me, there is undeniable proof that I am having a baby. (Plus, it has been observed that not only is my bust getting larger, but also my butt. Some have said that this indicates a girl... comments anyone?)

"Fetus'" First (and only) Christmas

I had to take a pause from my blog to take a breather for the holidays. This year, there seemed to be so much to do and December seemed to move faster than usual. But, bam, the holiday was upon us. And what a Christmas it was. Glenn's mom said she did it up right because this is the last year where we are "the kids" opening presents. Next year, I fully expect two packages-- a pair of socks and a book. Okay, maybe a little more, but what I found this year, is that really, that is fine with me. What happened to lead me to this point, you may ask? I got the first present for the baby!

True, I have received clothing, but that isn't really a fun toy for the baby. For Christmas, Kim (Glenn's cousin) got us a teddy bear that simulates the sounds of the womb. You put it in the baby's crib and it soothes the baby. We also got some booties. Somehow, getting these things made it all the more real that, yes, there is a baby coming.

And then, from Glenn's parents, we got few items to put into the baby's room. Getting all these things makes me so eager to set up the room and really get ready for this baby. And I realized that watching that baby get all these things, that giving them will be as much fun as getting presents.

Thank God for Tivo...

I must say, I have always loved Tivo. Being able to record shows without having to press 1,000,000 buttons? Being able to fast forward television? Come on, what's better than that? But lately, the true beauty of Tivo has become clear to me. It was created to keep pregnant women from missing the ends of their favorite shows.

As any pregnant person can tell you, creating a baby is a strenuous, tiring job. And as hard as I try to hold out, I can't seem to make it through an entire episode of anything at night. I sit next to Glenn on the couch and vow that I will not under any circumstances actually lay down because I am so determined to see the end of the episode. See, the moment I put my head on a pillow, I start to fall asleep. The problem is, laying down is just always a little too tempting... And so I do, and am still disillusioned enough to think that this time, for the first time, I won't fall asleep.

Usually, my last words before sleep to Glenn are, "Could you Tivo this, just in case I miss the end?" And usually, he laughs, grins, and says, "Uh, okay."

Needless to say, I have watch the last ten minutes of a lot of shows the day after. They are much better when I am fully awake.

"Frau W, you sure eat a lot of apples..."

I am beginning to wonder at what point my kids are going to catch on to all the little changes in my routine. Why am I suddenly eating oatmeal all the time? Why do I always have an apple during 7th period? Isn't that one snack too many? Did I realize the button on my pants is undone?

While I have avoided them noticing that I'm not buttoning my pants by always wearing a long tank top, the eating is starting to become noticable. I actually did have a student, Stephanie, mention to me that I am always eating apples. Luckily, she just figures I am trying to stay healthy. And then there was Alyssa, who caught me the other day first eating cottage cheese right out of the big carton, just before munching down a bag of chocolate Chex mix. "Geez, what are you eating now?" she asked me. "Are you one of those people who can like eat everything you want and you just don't gain weight?" I smiled at her and said, "Something like that."

I am looking forward to the time when my kids find out in January. Some of these are kids I have had since they were freshmen in high school. Just as I have watched them grow into confident seniors, they have watched me grow as a teacher, from my first year to my fourth. Other teachers comment on how protective/territorial they are of me and I'm not going to lie-- I love that they are. I feel the same way about them. After all, they are my "kids" (for now). I was actually hoping to get pregnant while my current group of seniors was in AP German. I know that they will spoil me-- or at least, I hope. :)

It's undeniable....

Yes, folks, it has finally happened. Little ol' skinny me has finally found a way to gain weight. Or at least to expand my waist. Every day I look at myself in the mirror and will myself to look bigger, but these days, Glenn tells me that I don't have to will myself to see the extra weight... The extra weight is actually there. In the morning, it all seems to be gone, but once I put some food in my belly, I pop right out, especially after dinner.

The second evidence that I am certainly getting bigger... my pants don't fit anymore. At first, it was just my jeans and my other pants fit nice and snug. But as of today, pants that I had been wearing still with slight comfort needed to be unsnapped. Thus, I can wear every pair of pants that I have, but in order to enjoy my day without nausea, I have to undo the button on them. I kinow I have some maternity pants coming my way at Xmas, so I am just holding on. And thank God for Monica Brown. She has the same waist as I do and thus, has already loaded me up with some really cute maternity tops for later and some very nice comfy jeans for now! Without those, I wouldn't be getting through my "dress down" Fridays at work.

My books all talk about how you may be depressed that you are getting bigger and thinking, "will i be attractive?" But for someone who has been underweight their entire life, this is a fun adventure. Give me another two months and I may look back on this blog and laugh at myself, but for now, I love showing off that I am getting pregnant. I only have to hide it from people at work for two more weeks....

Pregnancy Brain.... it's for real!

As someone who is usually very confident in answering questions and sounding competent, one big side effect of pregnancy that isn't so easy to get used to is Pregnancy Brain. It may sound crazy, but when you're pregnancy you truly do seem to offer up some of your precious brain cells to the little one in your womb. Which means that you suddenly can't remember things that you normally would. You find yourself stumbling over words. You lose track of your train of thought in the middle of a conversation. And it has befallen me on a number of occasions. Forgetting the names of my friends' spouses. Walking around for five minutes and forgetting where I am headed, although I have been talking about during those entire 5 minutes.

So if you consider yourself to be intelligent, get ready for pregnancy because that intelligence will fly out the window...

The doctor agrees....

We are definitely having a baby! Yesterday we went to my new doctor and had our first appointment for Lil Wahoo. After finding out that my old doctor's office had already closed-- as my doctor retired cause I have such great luck-- I searched my insurance web site for a doctor that was covered. Then I cross-referenced that with ratemymd.com to see who people liked. And lo and behold, the winner was.... Dr. David Berry. Chosen partly just because his name is Dave Berry.

So Glenn accompanied me yesterday. I wasn't sure what to expect-- whether they would do a sonogram or not, how I would like this guy. I am happy to say the experience was positive on all fronts. They actually took us in for the sonogram first thing, due to high traffic flow and the fact that two doctors needed the sonogram machine at the same time. So anyway, it kind of went like this... "Hi, I'm your doctor. Tell me about your health." And after a few minutes, "Okay, let's see your baby."

And so we saw the baby. Everything looks good. The first thing I saw was the big black blob that is apparently the sac and then the little white form came into view. I was surprised to actually be able to see the arm and leg stubs starting to grow. And in the middle was a flickering spot which I soon found out is the heart.

For his next trick, the doctor pinpointed the heartbeat and we were able to both see it on the screen and hear it. Wow, was it fast! And strong. Dr. Berry even commented on how strong the heartbeat is. 143, he told me later, which I know is not as fast as some babies have. I can't imagine what a heartbeat of 180 sounds like. Because of the high traffic flow, I didn't get to bask too much in the glow of the sonogram, but I have been unable to stop staring at the picture.

Is that really in me? It is still hard to believe. The nice thing is that now that we have heard the heartbeat and seen the baby, the chance of anything going wrong goes from 70% to 1%. I like those odds.

Oh, and the official due date is July 11. Two months down, seven more to go....

Boy or girl?

So the big question, of course, is-- do you want a boy or girl? While I do have to admit that the cliched line is true-- as long as it's healthy, that's all that matters, it did become clear that I wanted to develop something to call "it"-- this bunch of cells growing in me. Glenn's dad kept calling the baby "Junior", but I was adamate that the name be neutral. I suggested "Pat" after the androgenous character on Saturday Night Live, but Glenn liked Alex better. So we decided preliminarily to call it "Alex." But I realized.... how strange would it be to refer to this baby as "Alex" for nine months, only to have it be born and named some completely different name.

No-- we needed a name that really didn't have any meaning. A name that couldn't ever actually be a name. I tried out "Palex" for a little while, but we didn't like that either. Well, after a day of thought, David and Glenn came home with the perfect name...

And so for now, it's not a bunch of cells growing in me. It's "Little Wahoo." (And if you don't know what a Wahoo is, you need to catch up on your UVA history.)

Telling the Parents

So the day finally came.... the day that Glenn and I got to share our happy new with our parents. First up were my parents on my dad's birthday. We called them up while they were on vacation in Colorado. Dad answered and I made small talk for a few minutes, as usual. Then I told him that I had gotten a present for both and Mom together as a kind of birthday/ XMas combo present. I asked him to get Mom on the phone too and I, myself, switched to speakerphone so Glenn could chime in.

"I have a present for you guys, but it won't be ready until around July 10 or so," I announced. They were stumped for a moment, trying to figure out what wonderful thing I had purchased for them. Glenn spoke up after a second... "You know, that's about 8 months from now..."

I then reenforced the point by just coming out and saying I was pregnant and the screaming began. Dad was his usual contained and yet excited self, repeatedly saying, "Alright! This is great! Alright!" If you know my dad, you can imagine the voice he used when saying this. In fact, after a few minutes, he was even stuttering and speechless. But it was great to hear the excitement in their voices. I can't exactly remember what they said, only because we were all so ecstatic.

The next day we headed out after work to Roanoke to spend Thanksgiving with Glenn's parents. They had also both had recent birthdays. As a late gift, we had bought two little picture frames for them and in each frame was a picture of, what Glenn's mom calls, "The stick I peed on." So we settled down after having dinner and pulled out their birthday presents. We told them to open them at the same time. At this point, I still wondered if they had figured out I was pregnant. As the mother-to-be, I sometimes think that everyone must know, when-- in reality-- no one does.

His mom got closer to getting the paper first so I focused on watching her. She reached into the paper and pulled the frame out. Her face screwed up, as she took a minute to figure out exactly what it was and then her face froze and then melted. She looked up at us in shock with questioning eyes, as we nodded. With a jump, she burst out of her seat, and into tears and ran over to us. Meanwhile, Hoopop (Glenn's dad) had opened his frame and sat with a giant grin on his face, rubbing his hands together. You could already see the plans rolling around in his head.

It is quite a special thing to tell your parents that you are having a child. All of a suddent, you are taking a new adult role, one that they themselves once went through. You are beginning to have the experiences they once did.

"I know my body"

Glenn and I decided about 5 months ago that it was time for us to start trying to have a baby. We had waited a year like we had intended and were hoping to get pregnant during the summer so that the baby would be born at the end of the next school year, affording "Mama" a nice little break from the end of the year procedures at school. Alas, the summer past with no pregnancy. Toward the beginning of the school year, I hit a rough patch with my irritable bowel and we decided to take it easy on trying until my body got control of itself. So September passed and suddenly, I became better. So it was back to business.

Several weeks ago, I suddenly started to feel a little different. As crazy as it sounds, I felt like I was consistently a little rounder around my belly. I have a tiny little waist, so you never know. However, I am Mrs. Paranoia and didn't want to tell anyone, even Glenn, because I thought if I did, it wouldn't be true. So I kept the secret and just rubbed my belly every once in a while. Finally I told Glenn I thought I was getting bigger, but he told me it was probably just the large dinner I had just eaten. Go figure. But my Mommy instincts couldn't be changed.

November 4 came and there was no sign of "Aunt Flow". I held my breath every time I went to the bathroom and just crossed my fingers. A week passed and when Glenn found out I still hadn't had "any visitors", he figured I should take a test.

So I went into my stash of pregnancy tests and took a First Response test. Unlike the other times I had used the test, a second line was suddenly very faintly visible. What could this mean??? I wasn't positive. What if it was a mistake? I wanted to test again, but of course, I had run out of tests. So at 8:30 at night, I hopped into my car and headed over to CVS. I got a fancy schmancy digital pregnancy test. It actually flashes an hourglass while it processes your results. It didn't take long to process though and the word "Pregnant" popped up quickly. I yelled and screamed and hugged Glenn. Finally, our wish had come true.

Because I am paranoid, we decide not to tell our parents until Christmas when I am sure everything will be all right. We figure it will also make for an unforgettable Christmas present. Of course, though, I have to tell some people so I reveal the secret to a select few of my absolute closest friends. I figure that if anything DOES happen, I would want them to know anyway. Hopefully no one will read this later and be angry that I didn't tell them right away, but I felt like this was the best thing to keep my own stress levels at bay.

"I always do what Jess suggests"

Well, just as I have since high school, I am following Jess' suggestion and starting a blog. About 5 weeks ago, she became the first of The Clique to have a baby and has just started blogging the life of her little one. As she said that she wishes she had blogged her pregnancy, it made me think what a great thing it would be for me to do.

A little memory for my little one someday. SO if you haven't figured it out by now, I am pregnant after roughly 6 months of trying and this blog will tell the whole story.